Storms

The view from my front porch

I'm sitting on my front porch watching a thunderstorm. I can be terrified like Dottie, my mom's little Border Collie, who is trembling in a little ball behind my chair here on the porch. However, I am enjoying the mist of rain on my face and listening to the trees sway in the wind. The thunder and lightening don't really frighten me. I've seen bigger storms than this. Literally and figuratively. 

I'm weathering this storm today with a smile on my face and God's peace in my heart. The storm today can't get me down, not like the other "storms" that I've lived through, correction, God has brought me though. There were times I didn't know why in the world I was facing the challenges that were in my path, but now on the other side of the storms, I can see very clearly exactly why I was facing those things. God was able to use those very storms for me to now see that his hand was on me. 

A few weeks ago I was riding in the car coming home from a long, exhausting night of VBS and I was pondering (aka worrying), as usual, about the "what ifs" of my future. Almost audibly God said to me "I've got this! See what all I've brought you through and put in your path? I've got your future taken care of too. No need to worry. I'VE GOT THIS!"  Whoa! What a lightbulb moment! Seriously, God, it's that easy? But God, I'm conditioned to over-analyze everything and anticipate bad things so I won't be caught off guard. I've got to be prepared for the worst. That's what I DO. No, that's Satan's lies. 

"I've got this" God says as he shows me where he has brought me FROM so that I can trust where he is taking me TO. -My Facebook post July 12

This figurative storm I'm weathering seems never ending, but just like the actual storm I've been sitting here watching this afternoon as I type, the worst seems to be over as now the thunder rolls in the distance and the rain is barely falling. Even still, God's got this too. He's had it all along, but I finally have the peace that he's got my future too. I'm sure he's got a GREAT ONE planned for me! 

MASTER OF THE WIND

My boat of life sails on a troubled sea

Whenever there's a wind in my sail.

But I have a friend who watches over me

When the breeze turns into a gale.

I know the Master of the wind.

I know the Maker of the rain.

He can calm a storm, make the sun shine again.

I know the Master of the wind.

Sometimes I soar like an eagle through the sky

Above the peaks my soul can be found.

An unexpected storm may drive me from the heights

Brings me low, but never brings me down.

I know the Master of the wind.

I know the Maker of the rain.

He can calm a storm, make the sun shine again.

I know the Master of the wind.

He can calm a storm, make the sun shine again

I know the Master of the wind.

A Piece of the Puzzle

Preface: My story, blog, speaking events and hopefully one day a book, are put together by pieces. Pieces of a puzzle that I know only God knows what the finally picture looks like, but he gives it to me in pieces. I pray that you bare with me during the process of telling my miracle story in pieces over the days, months and years to come...

I've often thought of why God chose me and my circumstances to perform the miracle that he did. It was not a bed of roses and a beautiful journey. No, the first half just plain sucked. I cried more than I smiled. I was broken. Dried up. Felt used and abused. Abandoned. At the end of my rope. I was hopeless. 

Not JUST because I knew I would enviably miscarry but because everything else in my life had completely spiraled out of control, out of MY control. I was no longer "on top of the world" as I had felt that I was one year, two years, three years before. No, I had lost it all. There I was, alone, and lonely. Empty inside doesn't begin to describe the vacuum of a black hole that was buried deep in my heart. 

Not only was my uterus scarred and burned to the point that nothing should be able to grow, but my heart felt like that too. 

Yes, I believed in God and knew Jesus had died on the cross for my sins and I had asked him into my heart many years before. And I also knew he would never abandon me. But why, oh why did I feel so alone? And completely empty of any hope at all?

God uses lonely. God uses despair. God uses hopelessness.  

My miracle story isn't JUST about a baby growing, thriving and being born when there was no way possible, medically speaking. But my miracle story also involves a re-birth in me. The amazing miracle that God has done (and continues to do) in my life through this process. It is a true miracle...

The sunset as I finished typing this post

Why does God perform miracles?

Today in my Bible I read this little side note devotion and it prompted me to begin writing something I will share soon...

"I wish God would do more miracles in my life. Why don't amazing things happen more often?"
Ever wondered this? Miracles and "amazing things" are great. Still, the best miracle God could ever perform in any life is the miracle of salvation.
Maybe the real question is, What kind of miracles do you want God to do in your life? ...(several examples listed)... Perform some healing to "prove" he's there? If so, you'll be disappointed. He doesn't "perform" just to prove he exists. He would rather that people have faith in what the Bible says about him (that he, in fact, exists).
God promised his followers that he would perform wonderful things through them. And you'll find that the most exciting miracles are when God uses you to lead someone else to him. Those miracles are better; they lead to something eternal!
So ask God to use you to perform the greatest miracle of all- to lead someone to Christ.

It's time to begin

I'm not sure after all this time that I'm even ready to begin this Blogger stuff. Once upon a time I spent tons of time typing and typing, spilling my guts, tear by tear telling the hurts, struggles and a glimpse of the victory... And. Then. It. Happened... My laptop just cut off. Yup, during the final proof reading after writing over a week. Vanished. Everything was gone. I was already emotionally drained from pouring my entire heart out bit by bit and then in one moment it was gone. Just gone. And I, I was a basket case because of it for the next three hours. Longer actually. My good friend, Courtney told me to not give up and maybe that part was just for me. She and my other friend, Brandi are bloggers and share their stories, the struggles and victories, with the entire world. I read each of their blogs but a part of me, a big part, is so terrified to spread my insides out like a deck of cards for the world to see. To judge. To view me as an awkward sideshow. Ya know, the "junk" that we all want to hide, is a huge part of my story. My miracle story. Not sure I'm quite ready and I'm sure the world is not quite ready. But God has been showing me for a while now that what He has done in my life isn't some small thing. It's huge. Really huge. And maybe, just maybe, it can bring a glimmer of hope to hurting women. Hope where there is no hope. That's what God uses sometimes. A miracle of God in the making...