A Piece of the Puzzle

Preface: My story, blog, speaking events and hopefully one day a book, are put together by pieces. Pieces of a puzzle that I know only God knows what the finally picture looks like, but he gives it to me in pieces. I pray that you bare with me during the process of telling my miracle story in pieces over the days, months and years to come...

I've often thought of why God chose me and my circumstances to perform the miracle that he did. It was not a bed of roses and a beautiful journey. No, the first half just plain sucked. I cried more than I smiled. I was broken. Dried up. Felt used and abused. Abandoned. At the end of my rope. I was hopeless. 

Not JUST because I knew I would enviably miscarry but because everything else in my life had completely spiraled out of control, out of MY control. I was no longer "on top of the world" as I had felt that I was one year, two years, three years before. No, I had lost it all. There I was, alone, and lonely. Empty inside doesn't begin to describe the vacuum of a black hole that was buried deep in my heart. 

Not only was my uterus scarred and burned to the point that nothing should be able to grow, but my heart felt like that too. 

Yes, I believed in God and knew Jesus had died on the cross for my sins and I had asked him into my heart many years before. And I also knew he would never abandon me. But why, oh why did I feel so alone? And completely empty of any hope at all?

God uses lonely. God uses despair. God uses hopelessness.  

My miracle story isn't JUST about a baby growing, thriving and being born when there was no way possible, medically speaking. But my miracle story also involves a re-birth in me. The amazing miracle that God has done (and continues to do) in my life through this process. It is a true miracle...

The sunset as I finished typing this post